


The Joy of Takeout

by slightlytookish



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-18
Updated: 2012-11-18
Packaged: 2017-11-18 23:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/566529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slightlytookish/pseuds/slightlytookish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor attempts to cook. Luckily, takeout menus exist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Joy of Takeout

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the "ordering pizza/takeout" square on my Cotton Candy Bingo card. Thank you to forest_rose for the beta.

For once, the Tower was quiet. Tony and Bruce had gone to the lab to conduct some sort of experiment (Steve didn't ask too many questions, since their answers rarely made any sense), Natasha and Clint had been called away on SHIELD business, and Thor was – well, Steve didn't know where Thor was, which, now that he thought about it, was a bit worrisome. He had quickly discovered that no place was ever truly quiet as long as Thor was around. 

Just then there was a tremendous clatter in the kitchen, followed by the sound of the oven door slamming repeatedly and with great force. Steve hurried towards the noise.

"Thor?" he said, poking his head into the room. "Everything all right in here?"

"I need sustenance," Thor replied. Steve saw that he'd cracked about a dozen eggs into a frying pan, which now sat on the unlit stove while Thor jabbed at the knobs, glaring darkly. "But I do not know how to light this hearth."

"Oh, I think you just have to-" Steve stepped over and frowned at the keypad. Tony had shown him how to operate it once in a very offhand way but the stove, like everything else in the Tower, was so technologically advanced that Steve was soon left feeling just as bewildered as Thor looked. He pressed a few buttons but only managed to turn the overhead light on and off. "Huh."

"Perhaps it needs a small spark," Thor said, and suddenly Mjölnir was in his hand.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea…" Steve trailed off, watching as Thor raised the hammer high above his head. Lightning crackled around the frying pan, and Steve had just enough time to dive under the table before the oven erupted, sending flames roaring towards the ceiling.

The sprinklers immediately switched on and put out the fire, and when the smoke finally cleared Steve saw Thor poking at the smoldering ruins of the frying pan with a spatula. At the sound of Steve crawling out from under the table he glanced over, an uncharacteristically embarrassed look on his face. 

"I'm sure Tony will be able to fix it," Steve said, perhaps a bit optimistically. Thor didn't seem quite as concerned about the charred state of the oven.

"There are no more eggs," he said, sounding mournful. "Nor is there anything else to eat."

"We could always order something," Steve said. He went to the drawer that Pepper had helpfully pointed out to him the other day, the one that apparently contained takeout menus from every restaurant in the city. He handed a stack of them to Thor, who eyed the menus doubtfully. 

"Is this what the people of this realm do when they are hungry?" he asked.

Steve thought he could count on one hand the number of times he had seen someone cooking since he'd woken up. "Nowadays, they do," he said. Thor nodded, accepting this, and began pondering a menu.

"Who is General Tso?" he asked a few minutes later. "And why is he cooking chicken instead of commanding an army?"

Steve peered over his shoulder, scanning the long list of mostly unfamiliar foods for some sort of clue, and shrugged. "You're asking the wrong person," he said. "Maybe we should just order a pizza?" He slid another menu along the counter to Thor, whose eyes immediately lit up at the sight of the cheesy pizza pictured on it.

"Excellent idea, my friend," he said, clapping Steve on the back. "This will be most suitable."

It took him a few tries (and a few muttered complaints about tiny keys meant for tiny human fingers), but eventually Thor managed to dial the phone number correctly. 

"Good afternoon, Pizza Man!" he bellowed into the phone. "I require ten of your largest pies."

"Ten?" Steve said incredulously.

"You're right," Thor said, nodding in approval. "Make that twenty pies, Pizza Man." He grinned at Steve. "The others will be hungry when they return home."

"I guess," Steve said doubtfully, already resigning himself to eating a lot of leftover pizza in the next few days. 

Thor listened to the phone for a moment, his brow furrowing in thought. "Do I want toppings, Steve?"

"I'm sure you do."

"Indeed I would like an array of toppings, Pizza Man!" Thor listened again before turning back to Steve. "Even anchovies?"

"Probably." Steve watched with growing amusement as Thor completed the order. He had grown alarmingly skilled at rattling off Tony's credit card number.

"Now I fear we must wait," Thor said after he ended the call. He slung his arm around Steve's shoulder and propelled him towards the living room. "Perhaps we might watch the rest of that DVD, the one with the flying monkeys. I greatly wish to know if the little girl and her dog will return home safely." The hammer glinted in his hand.

Steve thought about the exploding stove and winced. "I think I remember how to work the remote," he said, darting ahead to the TV with the sound of Thor's laughter following close behind.


End file.
